Friday, November 27, 2015
First came Abigail, then Kate and finally, Barney. You're probably thinking that these are friends that they came equipped with spades and forks; trugs ready to brim with weeds but they're not. Instead these where the names that the Met Office, along with the British public, attributed to the recent spate of gales we've had. It's safe to say naming gale force winds after a kid's dinosaur that gets on every parents tits doesn't make us think of shrill winds, chapped lips and tears streaming up our foreheads as we try to lash everything down. We haven't seen the sun since September and it's getting us down.
Sunday, November 15, 2015
Sigh. Soil. Sigh. Just look at it there all lovely and friable. God, just makes you want to climb in bed with it for three minutes of bliss. Sigh. See Monty Don's soil on Gardeners' World the other week? That's soil porn. Sigh. We know people who would take his dog, Nigel (the major star of Gardeners' World nowadays, he's going to be the new judge on the revamped, The Voice on ITV next year) on a four mile ball throwing every few feet hike just to sniff that soil. It's dirt with major sex appeal. Soil. Sigh. Soil is everything. So why do we treat it so damn mean?
Monday, November 9, 2015
The plasterers are making strange noises in the next room, it sounds like a small mouse farting as it tries to get further into the wall. A case of a tight fit for a gassy rodent. Then there is the kind of sound that is followed by four letter words, a soft thud and what sounds like a plastic bag being rubbed back and forth between The Village People miming YMCA. They are sounds for a dark nightmare, it is the problem with not having a skill that is vital. We can demolish, we proved that in the kitchen, we can point stonework and build slate floors, we can fit insulation, and we can show before and after photos of our disastrous old house which is literally crumbling away. When it comes to plastering though we create pretty wave patterns on walls, an undulating sea of terrible cack handedness.