Painting Our Nuts

After yesterday's fleeting nudity we've gone indoors to paint our nuts. Ha ha. Okay, enough of that and let's get serious about painting our nuts. Stop laughing. We have nuts. They need painting. End of. This is one of our nuts.

DIY, home

It's all white and flaking. Oh, we give up. How can we go anywhere with this after yesterday's nudity claims in the herb garden? Our nuts are flaking because the paint on it isn't metal paint, it's bog standard emulsion and that means it does not adhere to the metal. It's a bodge job but what do you expect this is the house of bodgit and buggered it up. There's no scarper, they never got out alive. So, we need to clean our nuts off and paint them. Stop sniggering.

home, DIY, life on pig row

We need to mask carefully around this one nut, which holds a rod in place on the A frame, which is exposed in the bathroom. YES, WE HAVE EXPOSED OUR NUTS! STOP IT! STOP LAUGHING. Calm down. We have treated this oak beam and waxed it, the beam not our nuts. Honestly, with minds like your's what can we say without you laughing? Tax returns. There, that stamped that in the bud. We now have to scrape our nuts clean, we use a chisel and some wire wool. Yes, we're wincing too. Thanks for that. We won't get all of the paint off, we could use a blow torch on our nuts or some paint remover but frankly we don't want to mess too much with something holding the A frame together. So, we go for the more gentle solution, clean up the nuts, remove anything flaking and finish off with a quick scrub with some wire wool. Cross your legs now.

home, DIY, life on pig row

When the nut is clean, we apply a single coat of black metal paint. In fact, we do around three coats of the metal paint on the nut. The paint can tells us that it covers in one coat, the can lies about our nuts. As usual a product doesn't do what it says on the tin. It takes three coats before we are happy with it.

home, DIY, life on pig row

We have gone from an intrusive white nut to a black nut. Stop sniggering. It's only us painting our nuts. Oh, go away.


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