Wedding Day Rose Riddance in the Herb Garden

It's taken two of us to get that Wedding Day rose out of the herb garden. For those of you wondering what that rose is all about you can read some of the back story here about a rose that just kept on giving and causing chaos within our families. What follows is a complete transcript of what happened yesterday, only the identities of people involved have been removed to protect their innocence and what is left of their fingers. 

Wedding Day Rose Riddance in the Herb Garden

It's a lovely morning, so we say to each other, Let's take that rose bush out. Oh let's! (We are idiots). Shall we wear gloves? Oh yes, let's wear gloves (And armour). Oh, isn't it warm out here? It is a lovely day, a lovely day to tackle a rose bush that thinks it's a toddler that you see on one of those TV shows where a nanny comes in and tuts at the parents for having an evil toddler. We have an evil rose bush. I think we should cut it back hard and get rid of all the cuttings. We do that. Why won't the cuttings leave us alone? Help! Help! Help! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! My fingers! My hands! How the hell does it keep getting us? Let's go on a bear hunt instead. We end up dressed in rose cuttings and rose thorns, waddling slowly, with the occasional scream to the green bin because we do not want to compost this evil bush. Let the council have it. We look like a BDSM Green Man as we peel it off, along with bits of us into the compost green bin. We like to say at this point that we tried to keep the swearing down to a minimum right up to the point a piece of the unruly rose bush got jammed somewhere it shouldn't. No, it's not naked gardening yet, the rose bush was everywhere, over our clothes, in our clothes, and getting personal with parts other rose bushes shouldn't reach. Even when all the rose cuttings where in the bin, ten feet away from us, it was still attacking us like the beast from the deep. Watch out! It's escaped from the green bin again! Then we had to dig out the rose bush itself. It took thirty minutes to get it out, To me! To you! It got to the point where we said, I don't care if we keep it, let's just hit it until it goes away. Eventually, with patience and plenty of antiseptic cream we took it out back, threatened it, and planted beneath the hedge, far away from anyone walking by. It'll sob for awhile, maybe throw things at us as we pass but its days of grabbing, ripping and generally annoying us as we pass it are over. 

Weeding the herb garden

Long live the new herb garden which we can now weed in safety or at least without having our tops torn off us every time we stand up. Yes, we had the only pervert rose in the country. Between the two of us, it took around an hour to get the beds clear of weeds, top dressed with some old growbag compost from last year as first real sunshine of the year beat down on us. We now have a much improved herb garden. Now, all we need to do is make space for an Apothecary Rose. Cue more swearing and antiseptic cream.

0 comments:

Post a Comment