The Green Thumb Smackdown

They've come from different sides of the track, a small boy and his Mummy facing off in the ultimate smackdown, whose seeds will grow first? The challenge is simple, to sow six modules with cut and come again salad in less than one minute. The first to germinate and grow well wins! Let the trash talk start (you can see the shameful use of the word 'poo' here).

Mummy and Son, WWE, Smackdown, gardening, life on pig row

Not since the great courgette wrestling match of 1977 have we seen such aggression over a seed packet. In the blue corner, weighing in at a weight that it at least six pounds lighter than I could mention without getting killed, is Carol Oldham, known as the Chilli Samurai, sharp and hot to the touch, leaving you with a lasting tingle that smarts. In the yellow corner, the Kneecap Marauder, known as D, Little D and cloth ears, weighing in at 'Ow, how bloody heavy are you nowadays? Get off my knee!' These two have a long lasting grudge since they last faced off against each other in the great potato debacle of 2014. It's safe to say since an incident with an ice cream scoop used illegally to harvest more potatoes there has been a bone of contention between these two for the last half decade. The rules for this rematch are simple, both contenders have been given a six cell tray filled with coir and organic compost. They have each received thirty seconds of training in how to sow a tray of cut and come again salad using their thumb to make a shallow depression. The umpire is ready, the whistle has been blown, the trash talk is over and available on Facebook from mid-day if you dare to watch it. 
Mummy and Son, sowing salads

And D is off to a quick start with too many seeds being sown in one module. Carol tries to distract the umpire by reminding him that she is his wife. She also distracts him with other things but the umpire won't be lured in by that, no! D asks for more seeds as he uses all his seed in the first four modules. This means that D receives a -1 mark for his sowing technique. Carol pisses herself laughing and receives -2 marks for unsporting conduct (and the umpire is reminded not to swear, -25 marks. Umpire is told to sleep on the couch tonight). Carol receives +4 marks for giving D some seed.

Boy sowing seed

As you can see here, D is not happy with receiving seed from Mummy but valiantly carries on with his sowing and romps ahead by being the first to cover his seed in 24 seconds flat.

Woman and seed tray

Carol comes behind at a stunning 26 seconds as the klaxon sounds and the contenders are asked to step back from the seed trays. Neither contestant will be allowed to water their own seed trays to stop any foul play or use of steroids to enhance growth. Both seed trays have been placed on a south facing windowsill and duly watered by the umpire who had to keep the contenders at bay with a chair and whip. Each seed tray received exactly the same water even though D placed a grievance against the umpire about not watering his enough and D was duly sent to the naughty step for talking back. Phew! Well, never in my decades of gardening have I seen such desire to lift The Green Thumb Cup (we wanted to do the green fingered cup but that has been copyrighted by leprechauns). Stay tuned to see whose seeds grow first and whose make the best plug plants in the garden. This will be a long race taking place over twelve whole weeks and I am sure there will be more twists and turns along the way that will have you tuning in for more. Stay with us over the coming weeks for further commentary and interviews with the contenders. 

Seed trays

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